5 Reasons Not to Propose with Friends & Family

26 Dec

Screen-Shot-2013-08-30-at-12.53.19-AMWhy a Group Engagement Isn’t Ideal

Wondering whether to keep your proposal a private affair or make it a public event? Ed Bush from Barmakian Jewelers in Boston guest blogs this week with advice on why an audience of your friends and family might not be the best idea for you.

The moment you get engaged is one of the most important ones in your life.  If all goes well, you’ll be recounting this story several times over for the rest of your foreseeable days.

So, it makes sense that you want it to be just right. Whether your planning the proposal yourself, or simply dropping hints (subtle or not so subtle) to your significant other, you might want to keep it to a party of two.  And here’s why…

1. It Can’t Be as Personal

As they say in many wedding ceremonies, your friends and family are a part of your life together.  But they are certainly not direct participants in your marriage.  This intimate relationship is made up of two people committing to each other for life.  So, it should start just that way.

When there’s an audience, you’ll feel like you have to censor what you say to one another.  He won’t be able to make that private joke that cracks you both up, and she might feel weird telling him exactly how much she’s been dreaming of this moment.  It will be much more genuine and intimate if you both feel you can say and do whatever you want without Mom, Dad, Grandma and all the besties watching.

A marriage proposal2. You Can’t Savor the Moment

If friends and family are there, the instant you say, “Yes!” the special moment is officially over.  Like football players who just won the Super Bowl, you and your new fiancé will be surrounded on all sides by your adoring fans.  Everyone will want to see the ring, hug you and talk about how they managed to pull this surprise off.

Instead, the two of you should be canoodling privately with stars in your eyes as you contemplate the rest of your lives together.  The moments and hours after an engagement will be some of the happiest in your life and you should enjoy it together before the whole world busts in.

3. Puts You on a Stage

You’d probably like to be surprised by the proposal, but you don’t want it to be a spectacle.  When there are a bunch of people you know and love standing there, you’ll both feel like you’re performing a play you’ve never rehearsed on a public stage.

He’ll be nervous and rush through his words and she probably won’t even hear half of it because she’ll be so distracted by the feel of 20 pairs of eyes on her.  The moment is already loaded with enough nerves and emotion without adding an audience’s expectations to it.

4. Pressure to Plan

I don’t know about your friends and family, but most that I know would hardly wait two minutes before bombarding the happy couple with questions that are far too practical.  When will the wedding be?  Big or small?  Close to home or destination?  Who will your maid of honor be?  Whoa, slow down!

christmas-proposalSure, their intentions are good and the 20 questions would come from a place of joy and excitement, but it still wouldn’t be appropriate to have to think about this stuff before the engagement ring is even warm on your finger.  There’s absolutely no rush to dive into wedding planning, but you’ll be forced to do so if everyone watches the proposal.

5. Takes Away the Fun of Announcing

One of the best parts of getting engaged is being able to personally deliver the news to your friends and family.  But if they’re all there to see it with their own two eyes, you won’t get the once-in-a-lifetime experience of hearing your mom and best friend squeal with delight when you call and tell them you’re engaged.

Ditto with the story of how it happened.  They were there, so they certainly don’t need your account.  You’ll still get to tell some people, but you’ll miss out on the fun of sharing your version of the event with your nearest and dearest.

A lot of people feel the need to go big when it comes to a proposal – they want to have a great story that’s worthy of recounting time and again.  So it’s common to think that having your favorite people there will help add to the event’s special feel.

But the feeling of having the person you love ask you to be with them forever is plenty – when the moment comes, you won’t need anyone or anything else around.

Barmakian (2)Ed Bush is something of an engagement expert.  As managing partner of Barmakian Jewelers, one of the oldest and most trusted names in engagement rings in Boston, he’s passionate about helping people find jewelry that they’ll love forever.  He’s also a frequent contributor to several online style and wedding publications. To learn more, visit Barmakian today.

(First image from Wedding Bros, second image from The Guardian, third image from Benari Jewelers.)

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